There have been many lessons and wonderful teachers so far in my five plus decades. But even so, there are a few things that I wish I had not only learned earlier, but really grokked, meaning gotten my head fully around and internalized. I think they would have made everything easier and clearer along the way.
Perhaps my most profound recent realization has been deepening my understanding that people are fundamentally emotional beings. And I don’t mean that they are emotional some of the time. What I mean is that we are all emotionally driven, essentially all of the time.
Psychological >>> Logical
And what that means in a practical sense is that we can often get farther with a psychological solution than we can with a logical one. Whether that’s realizing this for ourselves, our families, our friends, our customers, or our constituents, when we focus on the psychological everything is clearer and more effective.
This is not what we’re taught in school, or how we’re trained. We spend decades learning that the “right” answer is paramount. We are graded on being right, being correct. But who likes hanging out with the guy who always has the right answer or fact checks a conversation? We tend to like being with those who make us feel good rather than those who make us think hard. Why is that?
Essentially all our decisions are emotionally driven. Ask yourself this, when is the last time you made a decision that was not emotionally driven?
The shirt you’re wearing, the shoes you have in your closet or by the door, the car you drive, what you bought at the grocery store, what restaurant you last chose, all were very likely to have been emotionally driven. Who you are with, whether you’re married or not, where you live, also all emotionally driven.
And yes, there are decisions that we make that are logical. We hope that our physician or therapist’s diagnosis and treatment plan are based on logic. We also hope that the engineer was being logical and analytical when designing the bridge we are driving across.
But if you are saying to yourself, or to this screen, that all the decisions you’ve been making outside of engineering or patient care were made logically and analytically, go all the way back to the root.
We justify our decisions with logic. Everyone who’s ever touched sales or marketing knows this. And they know that the root of purchasing decisions is almost always emotionally driven. So, they lead with benefits and emotions and then provide practical and logical ways to justify the decision.
I know that I’ve wasted far too much time trying to be rational and solve problems logically when the playing field is not logical, but psychological.
Think of flipping the script. If you are trying to be logical, rational, and dispassionate with your decisions, whether that’s solving customer challenges, or reasoning with your kids, think of the advantage you could gain, the effectiveness increase you could realize, if you started addressing these from a psychological perspective.
And this applies to all people.
So, I now try to start by considering the psychological in every interaction. Whether that’s a client’s conversation with a prospective employee, visiting family, writing to a new client, or recording a TikTok, what’s the psychological impact and how can I make that better?
Give it a shot. Try addressing your current challenges and interactions from a psychological and emotional perspective. I am working on this more and more. I don’t always get it right. In fact, I’m not very good at it yet. But shifting my perspective and making the attempt has yielded profoundly better results. And as I keep practicing, I’m hoping to continue to get better at it and improve my chances for connection and success.
For the first thing I shared that I wish I learned earlier, you can go here.
